I don’t know how some of you fuckers find this blog, lol.
Things are a bit better in the heart departament.
I have finally moved on from past relationships and I feel fine being single.
Girls seem to be more attracted to me lately, somehow. Maybe it’s just coincidence, I don’t know. I’d like to keep thinking that I have indeed become more attractive to them, even though I still have some insecurities. Of course I don’t let them see them.
Even my female friends are saying things like “you could get any girl you want”, and thay seem to believe I get approached by girls all the time.
I don’t know, really… But it does feel nice. It sure has helped my confidence.
I’ve decided to enjoy my life as a single man, not looking for “the one”. If she appears, it will be by pure chance.
I neved had a friend with benefits before, but now I do. It got me laid. I needed it more than I thought, it gave me a little ego boost. I needed it because I’ve been really depressed. Sex sure does release the “happy hormones” in me or whatever is that makes my mood better.
I just hope things don’t get complicated. I’m fine with having her as a fuckbuddy and nothing else. I like her, but that’s it. And it’s mutual, so it should be fine.
So, yeah. I’m enjoying being single and flirting with girls and getting their attention in a playful way. I’m not malicious, I don’t want to hurt anybody so I know when to back off.
I started watching the show “How I Met Your Mother”, and I feel like the main 3 male characters are the phases of my love life.
First there’s Marshall, forever in love, never looks away from his girlfriend.
Then there’s Ted. He still believes in love and is trying to find the one.
Finally, there’s Barney. A player that gets all the girls he wants and never commits.
I’m at the “Barney stage” right now, but I haven’t lost some of the “Ted” in me.
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I still haven’t found a job, things are difficult because I really need the money. I don’t really want to work in most places. It still makes me sad and frustrated that as a musician I can’t really do much in this country. It really sucks and makes me feel like I wasted 5 years of my life and LOTS of money.
Money… that’s my only problem in life right now. It’s gonna make me work in places that I hate, and consume all my time doing things I don’t like.
I hope things get better. I don’t know… I think I deserve a chance…
I don’t fucking believe this.
“I just don’t like to share those kinds of things on the Internet…”
Fuck you. You lying psycho bitch.
Even she has a chance now? Could it possibly be any unfairer?
I… just… fuck it. Everything sucks.
I don’t know if it’s just me or what, but since I got infatuated with “the insane one”, and then suffered from her manipulation and lies, I feel like I’m unable to love again.
I wish I was exaggerating, but it’s true. I simply don’t think I’ll ever find someone who fits me as well as G did.
It’s been almost a year since she’s with someone else, buy I’m sure I still know her better than anybody else.
“I know you well, you are a part of me…”
Lately I’ve been dating this girl, she’s a really good person, one of the most caring girls I’ve ever met. Even though I do care for her, I can’t get myself to go further, my feelings will remain stuck and in the back of my head I’ll keep thinking the same thing over an over: “It’s not gonna work”.
Could there be someone out there that can fill the void G left in me?
God dammit, you don’t even know how much I miss the feeling of infinite connection, intimacy, complicity, happiness…
I’ve kissed and done a little more with a few girls. So what, I may enjoy the moment, but it’s not something that lasts in time.
As corny as it may sound, this is the question that I need answered in my life:
Will I ever feel like that again? Could I love again? When will “the one” appear, if ever?
Fuck it. I lost her forever. It’s been more that a year, I have to be able to move on…
I still miss her sometimes, but then I remember it’s way too fucking late.
It’s 5:30 AM. I should be sleeping by now.
At the time I’m writing this I’m 25 years old. I was fired from a job a few days ago which made my self-esteem drop significantly.
Also, I’m a licensed musician with nowhere to go. There’s simply no place for me here.
Nothing’s working out the way I wanted, I really need a change.
I really expect and want things to get better from now on.
“When you hit rock bottom, there is nowhere to go but up.”
Because sometimes you just need to vomit whatever’s making noise in your head.
Everybody needs an outlet to express their thoughts and feelings, as so do I.
As a semi-public person, I can’t use my Twitter account for that. Let’s see if this helps me…
